Focus on Attachment!
The Mother's Gaze
"The ability to self soothe develops in the neurobiology of the attachment relationship."
-J. Baylin & D.A. Hughes
Attachment is the Foundation
There is no greater indicator for the future mental health of a child than his or her attachment relationship with a primary caregiver (usually, but not always a mother). Insecure attachment affected every area of my development, caused me to be vulnerable to abuse, and prevented me from healing the effects of trauma. Healing attachment wounds was more difficult than healing trauma! The two were intertwined in the false internal messages I believed about myself.
Being trauma-informed requires an understanding of attachment. This is a great place to start:
Why Early Attachment Matters for Childhood & Beyond
Please Note:
Attachment-Focused Parenting is not the same as "Attached Parenting"
Therapeutic Parenting
"Therapeutic Parenting is the term used to describe the type of high structure/high nurture intentional parenting that fosters the feelings of safety and connectedness so that a traumatized child can begin to heal and attach. Learning to parent therapeutically is the single most important thing you can do to help your traumatized/attachment-disordered child."
Therapy for Children
If I had been able to access professional therapy as a child, it would have transformed my story and (possibly) prevented all the abuse that occurred after the age of three. Children do remember and they do not simply get over it, but healing is possible!
Recommended Reading
Much of the recommended parenting resources over the past fifty years have been from a behavioristic perspective, though they were marketed as "biblically based." They were not attachment-focused (the way God created humans to bond) and are re-traumatizing for a child impacted by trauma. I highly recommend these two books for all parents or caregivers!
